


I Feel Like A Monster (Skillet Songfic Series)

by Bucky_Loki_Girl



Series: I Feel Like A Monster (Skillet Songfic Series) [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dragons, F/F, F/M, Fear, Gen, Hiding, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Mutant Powers, Platonic Relationships, Relationship(s), Secrets, Self-Hatred, Skillet (Band) - Freeform, Song Lyrics, Songfic, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9943520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bucky_Loki_Girl/pseuds/Bucky_Loki_Girl
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, the reader runs off and hides. The team becomes concerned at your disappearance, having no idea what happened or where you were. Will they be able to save you from the yourself? Who will be your light in the dark? Choose an adventure and find out what happens.Each Chapter has a different song inspired by my fave band Skillet. Should totally check them out.You can request to have a certain character for the next chapter.Reader is gender-neutral, and since I have no experience writing same-sex relationships, there will be no smut. If any romantics are involved, it'll simply be fluff.Apologies for slow updates, college sucks.Thank you Lovelies!!!!





	1. Intro: Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Intro Chapter. Sets up the interventions for the rest of the fic. Feel free to comment thoughts and opinions. Thank you Lovelies!!!

_**The secret side of me** _  
_**I never let you see** _  
_**I keep it caged** _  
_**But I can't control it** _

The cold, hard, grey walls of my cave closed in on me, making me feel caged. I crave for the comfort of my home at the Avengers Compound, but after what happened a week ago, there is no way they would take me back. And all of it was my fault. I had lied to them, my only family and friends. I kept a secret from the people that gave me everything. I planned on telling them one day, but I never wanted them to find out like this...

_Flashback_

_The mission was running smoothly at first. I was paired with Nat and Clint like usual, my combat skills being on par with theirs. We were taking care of the perimeter guard, keeping them from going inside after Steve, Bucky, and Tony. It was supposed to be easy, hence there only being six of us._

_Everything was going fine until I felt a sharp prick in my neck. I reached up and pulled the syringe from where it was lodged, eyes going wide as I saw the little drop of yellow liquid that remained inside. My skin crawled as the drug from the syringe took its hold over my body. Nails grew to claws, and silver horns grew from my head. My tail and wings reformed from where I had them hidden as tattoos on my skin, ripping my clothes to shreds. My teeth and ears returned to their sharp, defined points. Blue and silver scales quickly broke from my skin, the light of the moon reflecting off of them. Finally, my pupils changed from their humanistic round shape to sharp slits, the soft grey of my irises becoming a vibrant blue._

_I cried out as my mutation reclaimed its hold on me. Everything was a blur as I ripped off the remaining bits of fabric from my body and attacked the enemy. My only focus was defeating the enemy and getting as far away as possible from my friends as I can so I don't hurt them. When I had taken the last enemy down, I looked to my team one last time. I could smell the fear coming from them, and my heart sank as one of my worst fears came true. Bucky tried to come towards me, but I took two steps back for every one he took forward. My eyes watered as I jumped into the air, flying off into the night. I had checked behind me several times, just in case they tried to follow me, but they didn't, and for that I was grateful._

_**So stay away from me** _   
_**The beast is ugly** _   
_**I feel the rage** _   
_**And I just can't hold it** _

_End Flashback_

I'm usually able to control my shift, drawing it in or calling it out at will, but that drug messed everything up. I'm stuck in my monstrous, dragonoid form and no matter what I do, it won't go away. The only thing I have left to who I am is this cave and my instincts. It's been a several years since the last time I was here, mainly because I haven't needed to return since I joined the Avengers. They knew nothing about my mutation, since it wasn't in any of my files. They don't know about my cave, which was also kept off my files.

I barely slept, my nightmares being too terrifying to deal with. When I was awake, I was either deathly silent or crying my eyes and heart out. The silence was usually when I had to leave my cave to get food...which was only once a day. There was a fresh spring in the back of my cave, so I didn't have to worry about collecting water. 

_**It's scratching on the walls** _   
_**In the closet, in the halls** _   
_**It comes awake** _   
_**And I can't control it** _   
_**Hiding under the bed** _   
_**In my body, in my head** _   
_**Why won't somebody come and save me from this?** _   
_**Make it end!** _

I was curled up in my nest crying. My mind wouldn't leave me alone. Instead, it chose to torture me with the thoughts that I'll be alone forever. That the friends and family I had made with the Avengers now hated me and saw me as the monster I truly am. I so badly wanted to be wrapped up in someone's arms and told that everything will be ok and that they don't hate me and that they aren't scared of me. I was so lost in my misery that I hadn't noticed someone enter my cave and walk towards me. The person laid a gentle hand on me after several failed attempts to get me to respond to my name. I reacted to the sudden contact, my claws lashing at the intruder. I froze in my place when I saw them, and another fear became reality, hurting the ones I loved.

_**I feel it deep within,** _  
_**It's just beneath the skin** _  
_**I must confess that I feel like a monster** _  
_**I hate what I've become** _  
_**The nightmare's just begun** _  
_**I must confess that I feel like a monster** _  
_**I, I feel like a monster** _  
_**I, I feel like a monster** _

 


	2. Bucky: Falling Inside The Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky stops the reader from falling in the black.

I heard the sound of my claws scraping metal and felt them slice through fabric. I snapped my head up, eyes wide as I saw Bucky standing there, a couple feet away with his hands raised in surrender. Tears were still falling down my face, and the realization of how I attacked him only made me cry harder.

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry..." I chanted over and over, curling in on myself more.

_**Tonight I'm so alone** _  
_**This sorrow takes a hold** _  
_**Don't leave me here so cold** _  
_**(Never want to be so cold)** _

_**Your touch used to be so kind** _  
_**Your touch used to give me life** _  
_**I've waited all this time,** _  
_**I've wasted so much time** _

_**Don't leave me alone** _  
_**Cause I barely see at all** _  
_**Don't leave me alone, I'm** _

"It's ok doll," he said, reaching a hand out once again, but withdrew when I scrambled away from him. He sighed and sat a couple feet away, giving me space but still close enough for me to know he's still there. "I know you're scared right now, but I'm not gonna leave you here alone." It was silent between us until I felt the need to speak up.

"I didn't want y'all to find out like this...I planned on telling you the truth one day...but it never seemed like the right time. I was afraid...I still am..." I paused, turning my head to look at him, only to find him already looking at me. "Why are you here Bucky? Aren't you scared of me? Don't you think of me as a monster?"

"Doll, none of us think you're a monster. When we first saw you, we were confused. And yes we were afraid, but not of you. We were afraid for you. We had no idea what had caused it and we wanted to make sure you were ok, but you flew off. When we got back, we did everything we could to try and find where you went. We figured that the city in your files had to be somewhere familiar. I asked around about anywhere someone could hide and they mentioned the cave system, so I came looking."

"I'm sorry. I taught myself to run from everyone who saw me like that. I've been hunted before and hiding seems so much easier than constantly running." This time when Bucky reached out to me, I didn't flinch away. Instead, I leaned into him, missing the physical contact that I had gotten used to. Hours passed and eventually we fell asleep, curled around each other.

_**Falling in the black** _  
_**Slipping through the cracks** _  
_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back** _  
_**Dreaming of the way it used to be** _  
_**Can you hear me?** _  
_**Falling in the black** _  
_**Slipping through the cracks** _  
_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back** _  
_**Falling inside the black** _  
_**Falling inside, falling inside the black** _

I groaned as my nightmare came to life, unintentionally waking Bucky beside me. He looked over watched my body curl in on itself. He moved away, just far enough that he could still reach out to me with a hand. He gently shook my shoulder, trying to wake me up.

"(Y/N)...(Y/N)...Doll, wake up..." I groaned, my tail whipping out, just barely missing him. "It's just a nightmare. Wake up...please..." He shook my shoulder some more, finally waking me up.

"Bucky..." I mumbled, slowly sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"You were having a nightmare...so I woke you up...wanted to make sure you were ok." He returned to his spot beside me, and I couldn't resist wrapping my wings and tail around him, keeping him close.

"Can we just sit here? We can talk or whatever but I don't want to fall back asleep."

"Of course Doll," he said, planting a kiss on my forehead. We talked about everything. From the teams reaction about my mutation to Bucky's past.

_**You were my source of strength** _  
_**I've traded everything** _  
_**That I love for this one thing** _  
_**(Stranded in the offering)** _  
_**Don't leave me here like this** _  
_**Can't hear me scream from the abyss** _  
_**And now I wish for you my desire** _  
  
_**Don't leave me alone** _  
_**Cause I barely see at all** _  
_**Don't leave me alone, I'm** _

_**Falling in the black** _   
_**Slipping through the cracks** _   
_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back** _   
_**Dreaming of the way it used to be** _   
_**Can you hear me?** _   
_**Falling in the black** _   
_**Slipping through the cracks** _   
_**Falling to the depths can I ever go back** _   
_**Falling inside the black** _   
_**Falling inside, falling inside the black, black, black, black** _

Dawn came quickly, surprising us with how much time had passed. I looked up, smiling as golden rays of sunshine fell on his chocolate hair. He leaned forward and captured my lips in a soft yet passionate kiss. My ears, tail, and wings twitched excitedly as the kiss became stronger. I barely noticed as I returned to my human form, gloriously naked. A chill went through my body as we broke apart, emphasizing my nakedness. I got up and walked to a chest I had on the other side of my cave. Pulling out a set of clothes, I got dressed before turning back to Bucky. Looking around one last time, I grabbed Bucky's hand with a smile on my face. Home was calling our names, and I couldn't wait to get there.

 


	3. Tony: Feel Invincible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Played off the idea of The Invincible Iron Man. It fits.

A flash of light and a gust of wind stunned me temporarily as the intruder escaped my claws. Blinking for a few moments, I looked up to see Tony standing across from me in his suit, mask lifted and one hand raised just in case.

 _**Target on my back lone survivor lasts** _  
_**They got me in their sights** _  
_**No surrender no** _  
_**Trigger fingers go** _  
_**Living the dangerous life** _

"I don't want to hurt you kid," he said, lowering his hand. "Just wanna talk and get you back home."

I glared up as him, tail swaying back and forth as I thought.  _Why would they want me back. I'm a freak. A monster. I betrayed them, my family, and yet they want me back? This must be a trick._

"I don't believe you..." I growled, wings stretching behind me. "I lied to you. Why would you want me back?"

"Because we care about you kid," Tony sighed. "You've been with the Avengers since New York and Loki. I'm amazed you've kept you secret this long, which takes guts. We know what you're biological family did to you and we won't let that be repeated. You're like the child I never had, and I want you to come home. Everyone wants you home."

"But why?" I pondered. "What have I done for you guys other than burden and lie to y'all?"

Tony looked at me with a soft smile. He tapped his fingers against his leg, the metallic cling ringing through the room.

 _**Hey, hey, hey everyday when I wake** _  
_**I'm trying to get up, they're knocking me down** _  
_**Chewing me up, spitting me out** _  
_**Hey, hey, hey when I need to be saved** _  
_**You're making me strong, you're making me stand** _  
_**Never will fall, never will end** _  
_**Shot like a rocket up into the sky** _  
_**Nothing could stop me tonight** _

"You help all of us. You make us stronger. You're the glue that keeps us together and you don't take sides when we argue. Instead, you find a way to reason with the two groups." He paused, taking a deep breath as to put his thoughts together. "You've helped me with my PTSD and anxiety. You were right by my side after I came back to earth through that portal. You reminded me that its ok to be not be ok. That I don't have to be invincible all the time. You help everyone through all of their problems, from when they don't want to do anything to when they're doing too much. You help us balance out. You makes us feel invincible."

 _**You make me feel invincible** _  
_**Earthquake, powerful** _  
_**Just like a tidal wave** _  
_**You make me brave** _  
_**You're my titanium** _  
_**Fight song, raising up** _  
_**Like a roar of victory in a stadium** _  
_**Who can touch me 'cause I'm (I'm made of fire)** _  
_**Who can stop me tonight (I'm hard wired)** _  
_**You make me feel invincible** _

I was crying by now, his speech bringing those memories to light. I had curled into a ball, tail around my feet and wings swallowing me whole. Tony had come over and laid a hand on my back, comforting me just as I had him so many times before. Once I had calmed down, Tony stood up and offered me a hand. 

"How about we fly home. I'd love to see you in action up close." I laughed for the first time all week and followed Tony to the entrance of the cave.

"Do you think we could find a way to hide this place...like a secret hide out? I don't want to give it up. It's my second home."

Tony smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Sure thing kid. Let's go home."

Tony and I took off, making our way back to the compound where everyone was waiting anxiously. It took a while for the others to really get used to my dragon form on missions and occasionally around the compound. My cave got set up as a safe house in case there were any missions near the area, but it remained as my get away spot in case I needed it. I continued to help everyone, and they helped me.


	4. Pietro: Out Of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pietro finds the reader, and they get themselves out of hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies!!!! I apologize greatly for such a long absence. Spring semester of college kicked my butt, I've had a lot of stuff going on at home, and writers block is a bitch when I get it for every story, but one. The story that has taken up my time is very long, still unfinished, and I haven't made up my mind on if I'm going to post it on here. Anyway....this is my first ever Pietro story, so if he seems inaccurate I am sorry. Also, the Russian was done in google translate so I apologize for any inaccuracies there. This was done in the time span of like...3 hours and I didn't really proof read so if you find any errors, let me know.

My eyes caught sight of a blue blur and felt my hair rustle in the resulting breeze. I flared my wings out and rose, glaring at the intruder. Pietro stood before me with a disheveled look. He had dark bags under his eyes, his curly silver locks were unkempt, and he seemed a little slower on his feet than usual.

 

“люблю,” Pietro said softly. “You’re ok…”

 

**_I've been down in the dirt, lost for so long_ **

**_And pushed around, beaten down_ **

**_Got nothing left to lose, all hope is gone_ **

**_Got buried deep underground_ **

****

My mind was racing, confused. Was he here? Was he not? I had seen him and the others several times during my stay here but none of them were real, just silly hallucinations from exhaustion and paranoia. I flicked my tail out for a moment, reaching it out towards the speedster. Pietro watched it carefully as the tip ran up the side of its leg before coming back to me. I grabbed my tail and slowly sunk to the ground, unsure of how to process this information. He was real, everything happening was real, but why did it feel like it wasn’t? What was wrong with me? Why did everything feel off and…unreal? I grabbed my hands and screamed, that being the only thing my mind would let me do. Pietro, unsure of what to do, simply sat beside me, but left a few feet of separation for safety. He was mumbling in Russian, partially to me, but mainly to himself.

 

**_Oh, can you see me?_ **

**_Oh, can you hear me?_ **

****

**_Can you hear me screaming for you?_ **

**_I'm afraid I'm gonna die down here_ **

**_I can't save, I can't save myself_ **

**_Get me out, get me out of Hell_ **

**_I'm suffocating waiting for you_ **

**_Cause the angels don't fly down here_ **

**_I need you because no one else_ **

**_Can get me out, get me out of Hell?_ **

****

My mouth shut but I could still hear screaming echoing against the cave walls, but they weren’t my screams. I looked over to Pietro, who was in a similar position to mine, hands tangled in his curls while he screamed and cried every bit of confusion and negativity and hurt from his mind and body. He was still mumbling in Russian between his screams and sobs, some intelligible, some not. His eyes had been screwed shut and his head hung until they suddenly weren’t. His normally bright blue eyes were glazed over and frantic as his hands started to claw at his chest.

 

“Я не могу дышать. Не может дышать. Кровь, кровь повсюду. Пули. Клинт. Дитя. Sokovia. Ванда. Мертв. Мертв. Мертв. Темно. Холодно. Мертв.”

 

**_I can't trust anyone, all that I got_ **

**_Is another scarred, broken heart_ **

**_I've been stabbed in the back, the bleeding won't stop_ **

**_Just another cut in the dark_ **

****

**_Oh, can you see me?_ **

**_Oh, can you hear me?_ **

****

**_Can you hear me screaming for you?_ **

**_I'm afraid I'm gonna die down here_ **

**_I can't save, I can't save myself_ **

**_Get me out, get me out of Hell_ **

**_I'm suffocating waiting for you_ **

**_Cause the angels don't fly down here_ **

**_I need you because no one else_ **

**_Can get me out, get me out of Hell?_ **

****

“Pietro,” I said calmly at first, trying to snap him out of it. When he didn’t react, I tried again louder. “Pietro. Come on, speedy snap out of it. Pietro? PIETRO!” I moved to reach for him but stopped, unwilling to touch him in my grotesque form. I took a deep breath and willed my mutation to retract back into my skin. I chuckled in relief as my skin tingled from my retreating scales and as my wings and tail returned to their tattoo depictions. Now that I was back to normal, I reached for Pietro once more, pulling him into a tight embrace. “It’s ok, Pietro. You’re alive, you’re safe, and you’re with me. Wanda and Clint and that kid, they’re all safe. You and I are safe. Can you hear me? Please, Pietro, come back to me. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

 

**_Can you hear me screaming for you?_ **

**_I'm afraid I'm gonna die down here_ **

**_I can't save, I can't save myself_ **

**_Get me out, get me out_ **

**_Get me out of Hell_ **

**_I'm suffocating waiting for you_ **

**_Cause the angels don't fly down here_ **

**_I need you because no one else_ **

**_Can get me out, get me out of Hell?_ **

****

“I’m sorry, (Y/N),” Pietro muttered into my shoulder. “I don’t know why that happened.”

 

“It’s ok, Roadrunner,” I consoled. “PTSD is common. I must’ve triggered it with my screaming. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m glad you’re safe, and normal again.” I chuckled and looked at him with a smile. I let him go and got up for a moment, rousing a whine from him. Laughing softly, I grabbed my bag from a crevice in the cave wall and grabbed my hair brush. Returning to Pietro, I made him sit between my legs as I brushed his hair. I felt him relax against me, soft moans escaping his lips as I brushed out the tangles and knots.

 

“We need to get going,” he mumbled. “The others are probably freaking out about where I am.”

 

“They don’t know where you are?” He shook his head, slightly ashamed of himself.

 

“They were taking too long trying to find you. Some said you would come back on your own. Others started searching for any sign of you. I got so frantic that they said I couldn’t leave, but I did anyway. I needed to find you, needed to know you were safe.”

 

“We can leave in the morning,” I said, knowing that it was already dark outside. “For now, let’s get some food and a good night’s sleep.” Pietro smiled and kissed the palm of my hand before getting up, pulling me with him. We cooked dinner together from the left-over bear meat I had stocked up. After we ate, we curled up in my nest of blankets and pillows, my head on Pietro’s chest, and quickly fell asleep. Together, we were safe from our demons, free from our personal hells.

****

**_Can you hear me?_ **

**_Can you see me?_ **

**_I can feel you now_ **

**_Get me out, get me out of Hell_ **

**_Can you hear me screaming for you?_ **

**_I'm afraid I'm gonna die down here_ **

**_I need you because no one else_ **

**_Can get me out, get me out of Hell?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the update, lovelies, and for hanging with me through my long hiatuses. I will attempt to do better on updating this with more chapters. Tell me who you wanna see next, and I've already got songs chosen for them. Any requests for further continuations of stories will probably be held off until after I finish everyone's chapters here. Thank you all again for reading, and have a wonderful day/night/whatever time it is for you. Lots of love from me to you!!!!


	5. Note!!!

Hello everyone. My apologies for such the long span in updating, lost my vibes again. I've decided to deleted the Steve chapter, though I do plan on rewriting it, just don't know when. Also, I've made a Tumblr! My blog is gonna be a writing blog as well as just general fandom posts. You can submit requests there if you wish, I will be posting them here first, and on Tumblr second. Thank you all for hanging in there with me, and I will do my best to keep posting or updating to some degree. Thank you again Lovelies, have a wonderful day/night!!! :) :) :) Ps. My Tumblr is BuckyLokiGirlAO3


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